


Haycohol and Effigany is No Match for Hayffie

by WeirdDaydreamingFangirl



Category: Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: Crack, F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-17
Updated: 2015-10-17
Packaged: 2018-04-26 18:46:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5016004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WeirdDaydreamingFangirl/pseuds/WeirdDaydreamingFangirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Haymitch pukes on the mahogany table. Effie is pissed. He cleans it up. He spills on it. She is pissed. They argue. Effie gets her revenge. So does Haymitch, but in a way that neither of them expected.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Haycohol and Effigany is No Match for Hayffie

"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAYMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCH!"

_Thump_

Haymitch rubbed the back of his head, the spot where he hit his head. He felt a bump grow.

_What the hell does she want?_

He blinked rapidly to get a clearer view of what hit his head.  _A bedpost. I must have passed out the floor._  He got up and shook away his sleep.

"Abernathy!"

Effie made a lot of shrieking and door banging, which didn't really go well together.

"Let... me... IN." she pounded the door at every word.

"What the hell are you going on about in this ungodly hour?"

"Yeah well, no hour is ever divine with you around. So, open up or I'll destroy this door myself,"

Haymitch got up and forced to drag himself to the door merely because the only thing that gives him solitude in this place could be taken away. He didn't want to take any chances.

As soon as he opened the door, Haymitch only made it to 2 words and Effie cut him with her manicured finger jabbing at his chest.

" YouyouyouyouYOU." She just poked harder with every word. "This is the last straw Abernathy. ENOUGH!"

The mentor's eyes squinted in disgust and confusion.

"What got your panties in a bunch today, woman?"

Suddenly, he felt a sting in his left cheek.

"How DARE you speak to me in that tone, Haymitch," He only just registered the source of pain when she spoke. "After what you did,"

Haymitch rolled his eyes.

"Would you please care to enlighten what my grave sin is this time, your righteousness?"

He lowered his head and stretched out his arms to do a mocking bow.

"Listen here, poison breath," The infuriated escort pulled his hair and positioned his face to be inches near hers. At that moment, they looked so out of character. An Effie with a wild, predatory look in her eyes met with a stunned and kind of scared Haymitch.

"You can puke on my room, my bags, my shoes, MYSELF," she hissed the last word so much that her saliva showered on Haymitch's face.

"But no one," she growled. "NO ONE pukes on my mahogany table!"

"WHAT?!"

Haymitch pulled himself free from her grasp and threw his hands up in rage.

"This-THIS is what you disturbed my sleep and nearly tore my hair off for? That crapass TABLE?"

"It was MAHOGANY," she gritted.

"And I DON'T CARE. Get an Avox to clean it,"

"It's YOUR fault. And I won't tolerate you shit anymore. Clean it up right now you son of a bitch, or... or,"

"Or what, huh, sweetheart? You'll spout out more cuss words? Gotta give you credit. I never thought-"

"I'll cut off your alcohol supply. Here and in the Capitol,"

The two were having a staring contest, intimidation edition. Both were domineering, just waiting who'll back down first. Everything was silent and all they could hear was their breathing. No one made a move.

Just when it seemed as if no one would give up, Haymitch grunted and stomped to the dining cart. Meanwhile, Effie followed behind with a smug smile on her face. As Haymitch reached the cart, an Avox handed him the cleaning tools. Effie must've thought really persistently.  _That little bitch._  She nodded to the Avox who nodded back before she left.

"Make it spotless," she chimed. "Make it shine like the glory of the Ca-"

"Shut up, will you?"

And from there, everything went quiet except for the scrubbing of the rag and the table and the spritz of the cleaning liquid from the bottle. Sometimes, Effie would try to make a comment but it would usually just be a squeak as Haymitch would glare at her.

Finally, after long minutes, the mahogany table shone like new.

"There, happy?" he snapped.

Effie's expression looked thoughtful, like a health inspector scanning a public facility.

"Ugh, whatever," he walked across the room and grabbed a bottle. When he walked back, he planned to bump the table a bit to tease Effie but he miscalculated or still a bit tipsy or both and he stubbed his toe on the table. The pain shot upward and his hands let go of the bottle in surprise. He staggered backward while his bottle flew upward, fell and shattered against Effie's prized table. And a shrill that would make a banshee deaf broke in the air.

"HAYMITCH ABERNATHY. YOU AND YOUR CLUMSY-"

"It's the table's fault," he cut in. "Not me this time. It stubbed my toe,"

"Oh no,no,no," she strode between the table and Haymitch. How could you... DEFILE my table like that?"

"Well, my baby was a brave hero doing his job and she should be honored," he scoffed.

"And what job is that?"

He turned toward the bar. "Annoying you,"

"That's it,"

Effie ran past Haymitch to the bar. It was only a table with cabinets so it could be tipped over. Surprisingly, she was able to quickly push the thing, pick up the only not shattered bottle she just noticed and run back to her place with the table before Haymitch could register it all.

"You're getting old," she teased.

"Why you-"

"Tsk tsk, Haymitch," she held up the bottle and he froze in his tracks. "Another step and she goes,"

Haymitch stared at the bottle, as if calculating his chances.

"You know, I could just give it to you and let you drink it," she opened the seal. It was an easy open bottle. "If only you would apologize,"

The alcoholic looked hungry for the drink and his desperation was screaming within him. Logic and his emotions were in a war. Eventually, emotion won.

And that was his mistake.

Effie gulped down the drink so fast and even though he reached Effie in time, he ran so fast that he slammed into her and he wasted a few precious seconds untangling himself from her.

"What did you do?" he whispered.

"I believe I just... DEFILED your drink with my Capitol spit, Mr. Abernathy,"

Haymitch watched as Effie smashed the bottle on the wall. This filled him with a fiery rage.

Effie looked like she was gonna gloat but Haymitch lunged at her. She must've jumped a little because her rear end ended up on the table. But Haymitch put all his weight on her, pinning Effie's small frame on the table. He held down her arms but Effie looked unfazed. In fact, she looked like she was having the time of her life.

"Well, well," Effie laughed maniacally at her words. She had such a low tolerance for alcohol. "Have fun not tasting your alcohol now, sweetheart,"

She continued to laughed like a psycho and Haymitch was seething with anger. But as her words registered in his muddled up brain, his tight features melted into a more relaxed smirk.

"Actually, I can,"

Even drunk Effie could still see the lack of logic with this.  _How?_

Before she could say something. Haymitch crashed his lips to hers. At first, Effie was stunned. But as Haymitch's tongue slid into hers, tasting the alcohol and beckoning her to respond, she felt the need to reply. She closed her eyes and soon her lips moved in harmony with his. As if they've done this a thousand times before, she groaned and stretched her neck out while Haymitch trailed kisses on her lips, then it slowly makes it down her neck. A sound of contented pleasure escapes her mouth and then Haymitch brings his lips on her again to shut her up. After sometime, they broke apart for air and just stared at each other. They panted heavily sucking up as much air as they could. Effie was soaked in sweat and the liquor that Haymitch spilled on he precious table, but she didn't care. All she cared about was that flirty smirk that Haymitch was doing and what it meant. She-

"Alright, stop, stop, Johanna, please. I don't think I wanna know the details where this is going," Peeta shudders.

"Aw," Johanna whimpers. "I was getting to the good part,"

Despite the goosebumps tingling in her skin, Katniss skeptically squeezes her eyelids at Johanna. "Are you sure that really happened?"

"Okay, they never actually got to the clothes ripping and she just pushed him off and yelled at him or something like that,"

"But, the making out?" Katniss asks rather squeakily.

"Look I just heard this from my escort, who heard it from the stylist who heard it from the prep team, who heard it from the Capitol attendant from my train who heard it from several chains of Capitol attendants who heard it from the Capitol attendant who claimed to have seen a footage of it,"

Katniss rubs her forehead.

"All I asked was what was up with Effie and mahogany tables," Peeta says

Johanna just shrugs. "Thought you wanna know something about your mommy and daddy,"

The couple just gives her baffled stares.

"Oh whatever," Johanna gets up. "I doubt little Katpee over here," she pats Katniss' stomach, "...shouldn't hear it anyway,"

Katniss groans. Haymitch had made that joke about the baby's name ever since she was pregnant. Peeniss for a boy and Katpee for a girl. Now that they found out it was a girl and had a baby shower. He went out of his way to spread the word about baby 'Katpee'.

"Anyway, I'm gonna get more food," and just like that, Johanna leaves and cuts in the buffet line. Katniss just shakes her head and chuckles.

It is such an absurd idea. Those two hate each other. They didn't even like being in the same room together, much less skin contact. But in the noise, she can filter Haymitch's and Effie's coming from a corner, bickering about Panem knows what. She looks to that corner and of course, there they are, arguing, but inches in proximity. She stares at them for a while and a thought slowly forms in her head.

_What IS up with those two?_

 

**Author's Note:**

> This was actually the first make out scene I wrote. XD I was writing this in a public internet cafe and I was blushing madly XD


End file.
